Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Presentations

I would like to say that Garrett's presentation today was very interesting. I realized now that The professor had been giving hints (at least I think) about the retelling of Jesus in Alyosha. I remember one class we talked about the last supper and how Alyosha told the boys to come back to the rock to remember the boy. Perhaps he was hoping we would see this earlier?
His theory of smerdykov was shocking and I can see why he would think that, but to me he was more like Judas. After all Judas and him both killed themselves(by hanging might I add).
I will have to read the Brothers Karamazov again, I feel like the connections of all the stories are slowly starting to make sense to me, especially the more I read the chapters of Father Zosimas life.


Well on another note I wish I would have had more time to write my paper, the ideas that I wanted to talk about I did. But I wanted to express it better. It seemed no matter how many drafts I had, I was still having a problem connecting all the ideas. I will still write about this book and perhaps one day I will be able to express my thoughts clearly.

My paper

The Brothers Karamazov is the most complex and thought provoking book I have ever read. I was really drawn to the idea and complexity of suffering thru out the book. Smerdykov suffered his whole life, knowing he was a bastard child and having epilepsy seizures. The way he handled his suffering, turned him into a murderer. The Karamazov curse of sensuality drove Fyodor and Dmitri to a life of suffering. The book showed me how spiteful and hopeless people really are without a religion to guide them. Ivan’s lack of understanding love drove him to insanity, and I thought it was really interesting how the characters took shape as we learned more about their back stories and suffering. Each one of the brothers were orphans and had the same upbringing, but they came out entirely different people. When we learn more about how the characters had suffered and the suffering they had seen, we see why they think the way they do. Because of the suffering of little children that Ivan had read about or seen he refuses his “ticket” with God. He rejects the world that God has allowed men to create. He wants out of a religion that allows all this suffering to mankind. Ivan later goes insane, we learn at the end of the book. Without any hope that this suffering is fleeting he literally loses it. Alyosha is on the opposite spectrum; he sees all the suffering in everyone’s life and tries to make a difference. The book gives several examples, but the one that sticks with me the most, is the little boy who dies. Alyosha rallies the all the school children together to help ease the suffering of the little Ilyusha and the boy’s father.
Dmitri has also been talked about as being the hero in this book by this class. We know at the end of the book the little boy Kolya says he wants to be just like Dmitri when he grows up. Dmitri we know didn’t kill his father but all the evidence points to him. He is convicted and is sentenced to work in Siberia at a hard labor camp. Because of the way Dmitri handled the news of all the suffering that was going to come his way he is heroic. It would take guts to take punishment the way Dmitri did. Dmitri sacrificed himself for truth and justice; he let his name be disgraced for the betterment of mankind.

Grushenka was a very complex woman she suffered because of a lover who left her. She lets that shape her into the women she was in the book; she flirts and lead Fyodor and Dmitri to believe they both have a chance, because of what her suffering had taught her about men. All is suffering and all is fleeting, but Grushenka learned the last part of this too late. She admits her guilt in the murder of Fyodor, if only she had been faithful to one Karamazov and learned to let go of her previous suffering, perhaps the death of the father wouldn’t have happened.


The story we read about of the philanthropist is a great example of how suffering shapes lives. The philanthropist suffered a broken heart from the lady he loved; her heart belonged to another. So he decides to murder the women who caused his pain. In the book he says” I shall atone for my crime with my secret suffering”. He was not able to live life with all the guilt, he talks to Father Zosima about the guilt he feels when he has children. He can’t bear the thought of giving life when he has taken life. This would suggest to me that as a result his children suffered with a bad relationship with their father. The philanthropist sufferer d for fourteen years with the guilt of the murder, he was faced with two decisions. One to do the right thing, confess and end his suffering, or two to keep living with the suffering quietly. How he handled his suffering was very brave in the end, he confessed to the crime and his suffering was fleeting. I wonder how his life would have been different if he would have read the story of Lot’s wife. Would he have been able to live a life without suffering if he knew to keep looking forward in life? All is suffering and all is fleeting. I think we can easily understand all is suffering, but the all is fleeting seems to come too late to most of us.

In the last part of this class we have read Hamlet and talked briefly about Job. Father Zosima also talks about Job in the brothers Karamazov. So I re-read to story of Job and was blown away. He suffered more than we ever will, and the way he handled his suffering was superhuman; or I would call it heroic .He lost all of his children and his home and livestock. Satan did this because he thought that Job would curse God. Job passed Satan’s test and was blessed with twice as much. Job showed how we handle suffering is very important in our lives. Suffering has a way of changing a person for better or for worse. I think Dostoevsky gave beautiful examples of this in his book.
While researching for this paper and reading more of Father Zosimas chapter, one cannot ignore the story of Jesus. If Jesus hadn’t handled suffering the way he did, if he hadn’t gone through with being crucified then the religion we know today as Christianity would not exist. He is a great example of how you handle suffering affects more than just yourself. Father Zosima says in the book “if evil deeds of men sadden you too greatly and arouse in you an anger you cannot overcome and fills you with desire to wreak vengeance on the evil doers- fear this feeling cause you too are responsible for the evil deeds of all men.”
For how we handle suffering affects more than just ourselves, we can’t have peace till we learn that suffering is fleeting and that is what the characters in the Brothers Karamazov taught me. We are all responsible for how we handle suffering. Will we allow it to make us heroes? Or instead will we give in and live selfishly like Fyodor? The fact that knowing your suffering is fleeting is what will get you through your suffering. In the end of the book we realized how everyone had guilt in the murder of the father. For we too are responsible for the deeds of evil men, and how we handle suffering is the example we lay out for those men.So what I have learned is this, love the moment. Flowers can grow out of dark moments. Therefore each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed. And knowing that suffering is fleeting is what makes it possible to live in the moment. Knowing that suffering is fleeting is what gives mankind sanity and how we handle suffering is what makes heroes out of drunks, and monks out of orphans. So when something is taken away from you, like a father perhaps, it doesn’t happen to make you suffer. It could be so that something else great could come into your life or so that you might loosen your grip on that thing so you can grab onto something better. This will not happen though unless you understand that suffering is fleeting, and you learn to always look forward

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The last blog(besides my paper)

In this class I have learned not only about books and mythology, but a lot about life. I know the story about Lot's wife is so simple but I have never understood why it was in the bible. Reading it in the class I learned the importance to always look forward, that is a lesson that I can only hope to achieve. It is so easy to get caught up in the past without looking forward. The Brothers Karamazov taught me the importance of suffering. Each character in the book had a story of suffering to tell.I learned that we are all responsible for each other. Wow, what a burden that puts on my chest, I guess Gandhi was on to something when you said you must be the change you want in the world. So the difference this class has made in my life is cosmic. I know this is going to sound cheesy but perhaps the point to the story is, that you might just be a better person. Because how do you know what you think till you see what you say? I want to read other peoples thoughts so I can know what I think.

The Love Journal

So back to the assignment of listening in on a man and a women's conversation, I listened to my parents talking the other day. I realized they do not hear what the other person is saying and they end up talking in circles or just repeating the same thing over and over.
In my short time in my life I have learned that a major part of relationships is communication. I have several siblings (8 to be exact) and I think that they all have a problem identifying what they want in life. A couple years ago my boyfriend at the time and I started to keep a "love journal" . We lived in separate towns and we didn't have the time to be on the cell phone. So we would write in the book and then the next time we saw each other we would switch. I learned more about myself and my then boyfriend from that journal then I could have from just talking to him on the phone. There is something intimate about writing, your care of grammar and how people perceive you go out the window. So the saying how do you know what you think until you see what you say, is really just very beautiful. I am going to encourage all my siblings to start keeping a journal

classes this past week.

As much as I am dreaded giving my personal presentation tomorrow I must say that I have enjoyed everyones presentations so far. I had never even thought of the little boy as the hero in The Brother Karamazov before yesterday. I would like to thank everyone for the guts that they have had for overcoming their fears and letting me and the whole class hear their thoughts. The way this class has been set up, allowed me to learn more than most classes, not just from my professor but from my peers.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Notecards

I feel like the bashing that is going on is very disrespectful. All groups used some form of note cards or paper. I think it showed the work that went into the pre-planning. Note cards are a great way to remember what you want to say and keep you on topic. Lets just be respectful of each other and encourage each other to learn. This bashing reminds me of mean girls. And sorry if our presentation bored anyone, you are entitled to your own opinion.
Hats off to all the presentations I enjoyed them all.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Class Today

I had a good time at class today. I hope you guys check out the pictures I am pretty sure I got one of Garret picking his nose:) I liked both presentations, they were creative and fun.
Group one
It was hilarious to hear them argue and get off of the topic.They brought up some good arguments that we didn't have time to discuss in class. I thought they picked a good topic to spend more time on.

Group 4
Ok I am not going to lie I was looking forward to seeing what Garrett and the group came up with. I was imagining a psychedelic experience with neon colors and loud music. I was not disappointed good job on the creativity, it was very amusing. See everyone on Wednesday.
So Last week I went to Ted's restaurant for dinner. I ordered a juicy hamburger with cheese, guacamole and jalapenos, only to my dismay I received a plain hamburger with a side of cottage cheese, yuck not quite the same. To me this is what a spark note is, its like ordering a juicy cheeseburger and getting a plain hamburger.You get the "meat" of the story but you do not receive the juicy extras. I hope everyone had a chance to finish the Brothers K. You want all this juiciness, no one likes diets.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Thesis

So the Thesis for my brothers Karamazov paper is (drum roll please) how suffering helped shape the characters in the book. I have been working on my paper and that seems to be the direction it is going. I just thught it was so neat how we have talked about suffering and talked about the book of Job, Hamlet, and the Brothers Karamazov and we have seen how it affected people very differently.
I know last year when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, each one of her nine kids reacted differently. And during my Mothers treatments it was my Dad who took it even harder than my Mom. So I would like to further talk about this in my paper.

Reading vs Traveling

Ok so I have had the opportunity to travel, and it is absolutely amazing. Saying that though, I do see professors point about not experiencing or absorbing when you travel.
One of my fondest memories is of kite surfing in Holland in a small town. Nothing could ever describe the feeling of being airborne thanks to a giant kite. Before I went surfing I read about it, the adrenaline rush, what to expect your first time, and about the technique. The experience far exceeding what I had imagined it to. Some things need to be seen firsthand and experienced.
I would say each person learns something different from each experience and feels something different. I have learned a great deal from traveling.
The point I do see from the professor is this. I remember seeing so much beautiful art work in the Louvre and buildings thru- out all the cities, there was too much for me too absorb and take in. I do regret that I didn't read more about the cities and artwork I was going to see. Things are more memorable when they have a story. So I do not claim a side on this one, but instead I see the benefit of both.

Monday, April 5, 2010

The struggle between atheism and religion in this book is fascinating...... and well, very challenging to say the least. I am still working on Father Zosima and Ivan's viewpoints of God.. This blog is a work in progress...

suffering

I finished reading Brothers Karamazov, over spring break. I just finished re-reading the chapter Rebellion. Ivan brings up a very deep and good questions in this chapter. After reading the chapter I found myself deep in thought. Why can human beings be so artfully cruel? We have been talking about suffering in this class, which in my personal opinion is the greatest character building emotion. I myself have had some personal suffering, but I have learned the most from watching people suffer. Ivan tells several stories of children suffering, and from those stories he tells us ( the readers ) he rejects God.

This passage of the book made me come to a different conclusion. All is suffering and all is fleeting, but what makes is fleeting? For most it is the believe in God or gods that makes the suffering bearable, the little girl in the outhouse crying out to Jesus, Job in the bible, his belief in God made his suffering bearable. So we must too have religion in our life just to make the suffering bearble.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Bad Day

So I know everyone has had a bad day. Your car won't start, you're overdrawn on your bank account, and your parents ask to borrow money from you.But to me those aren't bad days, thats just life. What I have come to think of as a bad day is when I really had an epiphany from everything going wrong.

I used to work at a restoration company in Missoula, I was what they called the "go to girl". My job constisted of cleaning up fires, floods, sewage and suicide/trauma. The cleaning that no one wants to do.
I remember the day well, it was a hot August day, and my work day was winding down, I had a exuasting day dealing with a customer who was crying because all of her family pictures had been burned. Around 3:30 I got a call from the project manager from our comany asking me if i would work late and go clean up a suicide,, and of course i said yes becuase I always need money.
So I went back to the shop to grab all of my personal protective gear that I had to wear when dealing with bodily fluids and headed out to my destination. I pulled up to a house, the yard unkept, trash and weeds blowing in the wind, and I see a little girl crying her eyes out. I get out of my vehicle and she walk up to me and asks if I would get her mom for her, and tell her to come outside. I agree and walk inside the house to see blood everywhere, sprayed over the walls, leaking inbetween the metal panal on the floor, that seperates the two different kinds of flooring. The worst job I had ever been too. And as I slowly take in my surroundings I realize all over the couch and the table in the kitchen, there is beautiful wedding decorations. The little girls' mom was inside the house, and almost crazily was trying to wipe up the blood and put away the wedding decorations. I tell her that her daughter wants her outside, and then she has a breakdown. I have never seen such raw emotion and pain in my entire life, words couldn't even describe the pain I saw in that womans face. The suicide I had been sent to clean up, was this womans fiancee, and the father to the little girl outside. The parents were going to finally be married in Septmeber... I will never forget that day, the image is forever with me. And that is the worst day of my life, I wish that man had known how much he ment to his family.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Sonnets

his eyes more blue than any ocean or sea

his love for biographies is obscene

my face glows, when he comes and visits me

more self control from man I have n'er seen


a greater friend I could never hope for

The greatest of friends I have found in thee

you are someone i've grown to love and adore

our love makes me feel so alive and free.


words aren't enough to tell you how I feel.

you know me better than I know myself

excuse my humble attempt with my quill.

you are so tall and me just a small elf



Our decadent love was sent from above

by a pure white dove, our symbol of love

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Sonnets

For some reason I am having the hardest time with this assignment. I have written draft after draft and I try to have it follow all of the sonnet rules, but then it doesn't convey what I want it too. At this time I have written several rough drafts to post but then i just save them as a draft because I am too nervous, I want my sonnet to be beautiful and obscure at the same time.
I definitely am NOT an artistic person, so this poetry section has been very thought provoking to me. I loved this passage from The Brothers Karamazov from the chapter Rebellion.
" I don't understand anything," Ivan said, like a man in delirium, " and I don't wish to understand anything. The moment I start wanting to understand something, I distort the true picture, when what I really want is to stick to the facts."
I just thought this was so profound. It really is a very simple statement but for some reason this moved me. This passage stuck to me more than any part in the book so far. I just feel like so much is up for interpretation in life and I have always been scared to interpret or be swayed, just by chance I was wrong.
Life isn't just facts, but it would be easier if it was, I am having a hard time finding what I think to be truth in life, but I hope I will some day. It is easy to stick to the facts, but I don't want to anymore.... Im on the loose, I hope I don't distort the truth but don't we all?
One of the greatest questions ever asked was ' what is truth'?

found poetry

So I was cleaning out my drawer on Monday and I found a toe warmer package from snowboarding season. I thought the words on the package were hilarious so I decided to mess around with them.

Little hotties.

up to five hours of heat,

open it,

stick it,

keep out of reach of children.

Little hotties, little hotties.

For use in cold conditions,

if problems occurs contact a physician.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Sonnets

So according to our school book Retellings there are two types of sonnets, the Shakespearean sonnet, which has three quatrains and a couplet ( which we learned about on Wednesday) And there is a Italian sonnet or Petrarchan sonnet, which has an octave ( a unit of eight lines with repeating rhyme schemes and a sestet ( a unit of six lines with repeating rhyme schemes). Sonnets are set to an iambic pentameter with a particular repeating rhyme scheme ( which I still so not understand.) Here is a video I found that helped me understand it better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ec_pDV07pQg

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Lady with a pet dog


I also do like Chekhov's version better, he develops the characters so beautifully. He talks about the passion and how seductive Anna is, there is use of such small things in the story like perfume and flowers, but the way he places the word in the story it somehow makes you imagine you are Anna. This truly is what I imagine an affair to be like. Passion, regret, deception,
Anna herself talks about "It's not my husband but myself I have deceived. " Well Anna,that is always what seems to happen in good stories:)

We were also assigned to read Chekhov's version again and play attention to, watermelon, scales and the sturgeon.
scales:
"From the past he preserved the memory of a carefree, good-natured women whom love made gay and who were grateful to him for the happiness he gave them, however brief it might be; and of women like his wife who loved without sincerity , with too many words, affectedly , hysterically, with an expression that it was not love or passion that engaged them but something more significant; and of two or three others, very beautiful, frigid women, across whose faces would suddenly flit a rapacious expression-an obstinate desire to take from life more than it could give, and these were women no longer young, capricious,unreflecting, domineering,unintelligent, and when Gerov grew cold to them their beauty aroused his hatred, and the lace on their lingerie seemed to resemble scales."

To me this could mean a lot of different things. When I think of scales, dragons, snakes, fish and mermaids come to mind. I also think of the praying mantis that we talked about in class. I googled praying mantis and this is what I found. "they secrete a protective wax covering that resembles the scales of reptiles or fish."

Watermelon: There was a watermelon on the table. Gerov cut himself a slice and began eating it without haste.
This part made the affair seem so ordinary, like it was something he did every day.
Sturgeon: "You were right this evening: the sturgeon was a bit high"
This seems to be the epiphany in the story when Gerov seems to realize how dull and commonplace his life is.


Oats version: first of all you don't need to fix what isn't broken.

Her use of flashbacks are distracting to the development of the story, and her use of language did not make my imagination awaken. I felt like I was reading a short story, but for some reason I felt like I was living during Chekhov's. I liked this version but compared to the original it did not even compare!

Epiphany

When talking in class about epiphanies and when professor said that Chekhov " Lady with pet dog" is one of the best short stories ever written, it got me thinking about what my favorite short story was. It so happens that my favorite short stories, also has a beautiful epiphany in it. I pasted the short story " The Hanging" by George Orwell below just incase anyone wants to read one of my favorite short stories.





It was in Burma, a sodden morning of the rains. A sickly light, like yellow tinfoil, was slanting over the high walls into the jail yard. We were waiting outside the condemned cells, a row of sheds fronted with double bars, like small animal cages. Each cell measured about ten feet by ten and was quite bare within except for a plank bed and a pot of drinking water. In some of them brown silent men were squatting at the inner bars, with their blankets draped round them. These were the condemned men, due to be hanged within the next week or two.

One prisoner had been brought out of his cell. He was a Hindu, a puny wisp of a man, with a shaven head and vague liquid eyes. He had a thick, sprouting moustache, absurdly too big for his body, rather like the moustache of a comic man on the films. Six tall Indian warders were guarding him and getting him ready for the gallows. Two of them stood by with rifles and fixed bayonets, while the others handcuffed him, passed a chain through his handcuffs and fixed it to their belts, and lashed his arms tight to his sides. They crowded very close about him, with their hands always on him in a careful, caressing grip, as though all the while feeling him to make sure he was there. It was like men handling a fish which is still alive and may jump back into the water. But he stood quite unresisting, yielding his arms limply to the ropes, as though he hardly noticed what was happening.

Eight o'clock struck and a bugle call, desolately thin in the wet air, floated from the distant barracks. The superintendent of the jail, who was standing apart from the rest of us, moodily prodding the gravel with his stick, raised his head at the sound. He was an army doctor, with a grey toothbrush moustache and a gruff voice. ‘For God's sake hurry up, Francis,’ he said irritably. ‘The man ought to have been dead by this time. Aren't you ready yet?’

Francis, the head jailer, a fat Dravidian in a white drill suit and gold spectacles, waved his black hand. ‘Yes sir, yes sir,’ he bubbled. ‘All iss satisfactorily prepared. The hangman iss waiting. We shall proceed.’

‘Well, quick march, then. The prisoners can't get their breakfast till this job's over.’

We set out for the gallows. Two warders marched on either side of the prisoner, with their rifles at the slope; two others marched close against him, gripping him by arm and shoulder, as though at once pushing and supporting him. The rest of us, magistrates and the like, followed behind. Suddenly, when we had gone ten yards, the procession stopped short without any order or warning. A dreadful thing had happened — a dog, come goodness knows whence, had appeared in the yard. It came bounding among us with a loud volley of barks, and leapt round us wagging its whole body, wild with glee at finding so many human beings together. It was a large woolly dog, half Airedale, half pariah. For a moment it pranced round us, and then, before anyone could stop it, it had made a dash for the prisoner, and jumping up tried to lick his face. Everyone stood aghast, too taken aback even to grab at the dog.

‘Who let that bloody brute in here?’ said the superintendent angrily. ‘Catch it, someone!’

A warder, detached from the escort, charged clumsily after the dog, but it danced and gambolled just out of his reach, taking everything as part of the game. A young Eurasian jailer picked up a handful of gravel and tried to stone the dog away, but it dodged the stones and came after us again. Its yaps echoed from the jail wails. The prisoner, in the grasp of the two warders, looked on incuriously, as though this was another formality of the hanging. It was several minutes before someone managed to catch the dog. Then we put my handkerchief through its collar and moved off once more, with the dog still straining and whimpering.

It was about forty yards to the gallows. I watched the bare brown back of the prisoner marching in front of me. He walked clumsily with his bound arms, but quite steadily, with that bobbing gait of the Indian who never straightens his knees. At each step his muscles slid neatly into place, the lock of hair on his scalp danced up and down, his feet printed themselves on the wet gravel. And once, in spite of the men who gripped him by each shoulder, he stepped slightly aside to avoid a puddle on the path.

It is curious, but till that moment I had never realized what it means to destroy a healthy, conscious man. When I saw the prisoner step aside to avoid the puddle, I saw the mystery, the unspeakable wrongness, of cutting a life short when it is in full tide. This man was not dying, he was alive just as we were alive. All the organs of his body were working — bowels digesting food, skin renewing itself, nails growing, tissues forming — all toiling away in solemn foolery. His nails would still be growing when he stood on the drop, when he was falling through the air with a tenth of a second to live. His eyes saw the yellow gravel and the grey walls, and his brain still remembered, foresaw, reasoned — reasoned even about puddles. He and we were a party of men walking together, seeing, hearing, feeling, understanding the same world; and in two minutes, with a sudden snap, one of us would be gone — one mind less, one world less.

The gallows stood in a small yard, separate from the main grounds of the prison, and overgrown with tall prickly weeds. It was a brick erection like three sides of a shed, with planking on top, and above that two beams and a crossbar with the rope dangling. The hangman, a grey-haired convict in the white uniform of the prison, was waiting beside his machine. He greeted us with a servile crouch as we entered. At a word from Francis the two warders, gripping the prisoner more closely than ever, half led, half pushed him to the gallows and helped him clumsily up the ladder. Then the hangman climbed up and fixed the rope round the prisoner's neck.

We stood waiting, five yards away. The warders had formed in a rough circle round the gallows. And then, when the noose was fixed, the prisoner began crying out on his god. It was a high, reiterated cry of ‘Ram! Ram! Ram! Ram!’, not urgent and fearful like a prayer or a cry for help, but steady, rhythmical, almost like the tolling of a bell. The dog answered the sound with a whine. The hangman, still standing on the gallows, produced a small cotton bag like a flour bag and drew it down over the prisoner's face. But the sound, muffled by the cloth, still persisted, over and over again: ‘Ram! Ram! Ram! Ram! Ram!’

The hangman climbed down and stood ready, holding the lever. Minutes seemed to pass. The steady, muffled crying from the prisoner went on and on, ‘Ram! Ram! Ram!’ never faltering for an instant. The superintendent, his head on his chest, was slowly poking the ground with his stick; perhaps he was counting the cries, allowing the prisoner a fixed number — fifty, perhaps, or a hundred. Everyone had changed colour. The Indians had gone grey like bad coffee, and one or two of the bayonets were wavering. We looked at the lashed, hooded man on the drop, and listened to his cries — each cry another second of life; the same thought was in all our minds: oh, kill him quickly, get it over, stop that abominable noise!

Suddenly the superintendent made up his mind. Throwing up his head he made a swift motion with his stick. ‘Chalo!’ he shouted almost fiercely.

There was a clanking noise, and then dead silence. The prisoner had vanished, and the rope was twisting on itself. I let go of the dog, and it galloped immediately to the back of the gallows; but when it got there it stopped short, barked, and then retreated into a corner of the yard, where it stood among the weeds, looking timorously out at us. We went round the gallows to inspect the prisoner's body. He was dangling with his toes pointed straight downwards, very slowly revolving, as dead as a stone.

The superintendent reached out with his stick and poked the bare body; it oscillated, slightly. ‘He's all right,’ said the superintendent. He backed out from under the gallows, and blew out a deep breath. The moody look had gone out of his face quite suddenly. He glanced at his wrist-watch. ‘Eight minutes past eight. Well, that's all for this morning, thank God.’

The warders unfixed bayonets and marched away. The dog, sobered and conscious of having misbehaved itself, slipped after them. We walked out of the gallows yard, past the condemned cells with their waiting prisoners, into the big central yard of the prison. The convicts, under the command of warders armed with lathis, were already receiving their breakfast. They squatted in long rows, each man holding a tin pannikin, while two warders with buckets marched round ladling out rice; it seemed quite a homely, jolly scene, after the hanging. An enormous relief had come upon us now that the job was done. One felt an impulse to sing, to break into a run, to snigger. All at once everyone began chattering gaily.

The Eurasian boy walking beside me nodded towards the way we had come, with a knowing smile: ‘Do you know, sir, our friend (he meant the dead man), when he heard his appeal had been dismissed, he pissed on the floor of his cell. From fright. — Kindly take one of my cigarettes, sir. Do you not admire my new silver case, sir? From the boxwallah, two rupees eight annas. Classy European style.’

Several people laughed — at what, nobody seemed certain.

Francis was walking by the superintendent, talking garrulously. ‘Well, sir, all hass passed off with the utmost satisfactoriness. It wass all finished — flick! like that. It iss not always so — oah, no! I have known cases where the doctor wass obliged to go beneath the gallows and pull the prisoner's legs to ensure decease. Most disagreeable!’

‘Wriggling about, eh? That's bad,’ said the superintendent.

‘Ach, sir, it iss worse when they become refractory! One man, I recall, clung to the bars of hiss cage when we went to take him out. You will scarcely credit, sir, that it took six warders to dislodge him, three pulling at each leg. We reasoned with him. “My dear fellow,” we said, “think of all the pain and trouble you are causing to us!” But no, he would not listen! Ach, he wass very troublesome!’

I found that I was laughing quite loudly. Everyone was laughing. Even the superintendent grinned in a tolerant way. ‘You'd better all come out and have a drink,’ he said quite genially. ‘I've got a bottle of whisky in the car. We could do with it.’

We went through the big double gates of the prison, into the road. ‘Pulling at his legs!’ exclaimed a Burmese magistrate suddenly, and burst into a loud chuckling. We all began laughing again. At that moment Francis's anecdote seemed extraordinarily funny. We all had a drink together, native and European alike, quite amicably. The dead man was a hundred yards away.

Random thoughts.

Literature to me is a very tough subject. So far I have learned in class that re-reading is a must! I have slowly been working my way through the brothers Karamazov and last week I was reading the chapter titled " The Grand Inquisitor" wow what a exciting and challenging chapter. The beauty of this book is the author is able to write so eloquently the very thoughts that trouble ever human being. We all have in is, the intellect of Ivan, the selfishness of the father, and we have some kinda of religious aspect which we identify with Alyosha. I look forward to reading this novel several times because I understand that with time I will realize even more beauty in the words than I do now.
While reading the poem" The world is too much with us" I can't help but think what a beautiful poem. I didn't understand a lot of what it was saying at first, but I got the gist of the idea and after researching suck things as Triton, who Proteus was, and sordid boon, I re-read it with greater clarity and enjoyed it even more. I realized that I was reminded greatly of Wally! It really is interesting how everything is a retelling, the poem made me really think of what he was saying, and vivid images of the wonder of the ocean filled my brain and my imagination went wild! But with Wally on the other hand which is a very good movie, the thinking was done for me and there was nothing left to imagine, you saw the trash piles and the earth destroyed.

I came into this class thinking I was an individual who was well read just because I had read, Lord of the flies and having Animal Farm as my favorite book( which I need to read again) well I am happy to admit that I was wrong and although I still do not particularly like the story Araby, I did come into this semester liking books with underlying meanings.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Araby

When I eat a piece of dark chocolate, there is total enjoyment and pleasure that overtakes my senses.So to me THERE IS A POINT to eating a dark chocolate bar. But when I eat milk chocolate there is no point for me, it is too sweet and makes me feel sick, I eat this because I want dark chocolate, it is a bad imitation to the real chocolate. I realize this is a personal opinion and most people out there love milk chocolate, chocolate is up for interpretation just like art and literature. I have been to the Louvre and seen the Mona Lisa ( which is also my moms name) to me the Mona Lisa wasn't as amazing as I thought it would be, in fact it was my least favorite painting that I saw when I was there. Most people disagree with me and that's fine, I am not a trained artist and know hardly anything about art, but I can still have an opinion. Araby my be beautiful to other readers, but to me it left me wanting more. I wished I was reading Romeo and Juliet or some other great love story instead.

Araby star crossed lover

Monday, February 22, 2010

The Brothers Karamazov

I must say that I love Fyodor Karamazov, or I guess I should say his character. He is not afraid to live out his actions no matter the consequences, he abandoned his children, get a homeless woman pregnant and many other horrible things, but I must say so far in the book he is my favourite. He is what I want to be, but at the same time he is what I am scared to be. I love his passion and how he calls people out.In the chapter "Alyosha in his fathers house" Fyodor says " A sinful life is sweet, you know and although they all say they disapprove every one of them lives sinfully." He had no shame in the life that he lives, which is something to admire, and to be scared of at the same time. He admits what he is, and that what I admire.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Why do we want to be believe?

I can't help but think as I read Cinderella, Little Red Riding hood and all the stories that go along with them, about how all the main characters are tricked or deceived. In the Story "Wolfland" the grandmother was tricked by her husband. He brought her beautiful fruit , and below the fruit he hid his whip, which started the lifetime of beating for her. The grandmother in turn deceives her granddaughter and has her drink a flower liqueur which will bring out the wolfe in her. The granddaughter knew something was suspect but she drank it anyways. Adam and Eve, Eve knew not to eat the fruit but the snake deceived her, where was her women intuition? Don't we all sense when something is wrong? Don't we know not to believe? It's stories like the Disney's version of Cinderella that lead us to believe that their are exceptions in life. We all so desperately want to have the fairy tell, we will listen to lies and let ourselves believe them because its what we want. That is what makes Disney's story so timeless. I much prefer the stories with the juicy facts and all the indecency's that happen, it makes it REAL, It makes even the most unbelievable stories believable. Pull the curtain from in front of my eyes, I want to KNOW the truth, and not be deceived.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Eros and Psyche

I love all off the mythological stories we have read for class or that professor has told out loud in class. All of the tricking and scheming the gods are up too is so entertaining. Eros and Psyche, after I read the story, really had my thinking about the human nature of curiosity. We have all heard the saying" curiosity killed the cat" but what does that really mean? Being a women I love to gossip and find out what is going on in everyones else's life, but I find myself wondering why? It seems my curiosity is in such things that are really quiet pointless in the grand scheme of life. Why cant I be more curious about math? or possible physics? It seems the human nature in all of is curious about items that do us no good. I hope to point my curiosity in the right direction!

people my say that Im a dreamer, but Im not the only one.

Last night I finally remembered my dream. I was in Thailand on my honeymoon, and it was extremely hot. My husband and I rented a scooter and went cruising around Phuket. While we were on the scooter we went over a speed bump and I went flying off of the scooter. I had broken my leg and arm, and we had no idea who to call or where a hospital was.At this point is when I wake up and realize my arm is really hurting. The end

First memory

I have two memories that stand out to me when I look back at my childhood and think about what I remember first.
I remember when I was about 4 years old, there were 8 people all crowded into my parents one bedroom house, and I just had this feeling that I needed to escape. I grabbed my tattered barbie doll and my older sister Abby, and we ran outside and climbed up a GIANT pine tree. You see being very young and small , I was fearless and could climb where most people couldn't, or so I thought. Abby and I climbed till there was no where left to climb, and then we pulled out our barbie dolls thinking we had escaped and we were alone. All of a sudden I looked down and realized our older brother had followed us in hopes we would let him play with our barbies. Abby and I thought it was gross that our brother wanted to play with us, but we let him anyway. We played up in the tree till night and then we walked back inside the house, and i realized my hair was covered in sap. My Mom saw all the sap and quickly pulled out her scissors and cut off all my hair. I looked like a boy, but I didn't mind, as long has I still had my pine tree to climb.

My second memory is around the same age I think. I was outside playing on the dirt with my favorite stick when I realized my Dad was burning, tree branches and weeds in a pile. I hopped and jumped my way over to the fire and started playing around the fire.My parents had 6 kids at this time so they never could keep track of all of us(usually me) so I ended up playing to close to the fire and caught my favorite stick on fire! Oh no! I tried to get the fire off my stick by shaking it, which caused the top to break off, my to trip and the stick to fall on my foot, burning it badly. I screamed and yelled for what seemed like forever, until my brother came and carries me inside. The end

Groundhog day.

So Groundhog day was on Tuesday, Monday night I set my alarm for 6:00 am and had every intention of springing up out of bed the moment I heard it. Its 6:00 am, I hit snooze for 20 minutes, then I slowly drag myself to the bathroom, take a shower for 10 minutes, brush my teeth for three( I have a timer on my toothbrush, it's pretty nice). I then go to my kitchen and add water to my teapot, boil water make some tea and instant oatmeal, and drive to school to print off my assignment for my geography class. While I am printing my report i sign into Facebook and chat with my brother for 5 minutes. Once my report is finished I walk to the Library and get a cup of black coffee to attempt to wake myself up. This was my first time having the library's coffee and was very disappointed bye how watery it was. So I walk over to Leon Johnson hall with my bad coffee in hand and sit by a girl who is trying to finish drawing her map before she turns in her report, she looks at me says "Hi, do you know where Spain is on the map?" I say yes, and happily help locate Spain and several other countries on the map for here. Class seemed longer than normal, and I found myself paying enough attention to disagree with my professor, he listed the main reason(he said politically incorrect too) that England had not switched to the pound, instead off the Euro like most countries in the EU, was a pride issue. Hmm I think it might be more economical, but I dutifully took notes in case it would be on my midterm the following week. After class I walked back to the library and read some homework, and listened to some conversations. I set the alarm on my phone so I could read without checking the time, that way when the alarm goes off i start to walk to class. My next class started at 10 I sat by Kristina, and we talked about how we wished we would have a pop quiz , so we wouldn't have to listen to lecture. Oh well no such luck but we still can dream. After class was over I walked over to the Sub and read some of my Brothers Karamazov, while eating a salad. I read 2 chapters and then I walked over to my math class. I hate my math class and was thinking that the entire time I was walking. I walked into Wilson with about 45 minutes before class started and decided to read my plant biology book. Once the time was up for class I walked down the hall and sat in the second row. I sat in math class staring at the girl next to me who was doing her chemistry homework and wondered how she was passing math if she wasn't paying attention in class; but then I realized I was not paying attention in class, which could explain why I was having problems with my math homework. After math class was over I walked to my plant science class which I love! And took notes like a mad women and drank some water. after class I went to the Main Street Gym and worked out for an hour and then set in the sauna for 45 minute and read the brothers Karamazov. After the gym I drove to Safeway very thirsty and bought 3 bottles of water. I drank one bottle of water as I was driving back to school.I drove around campus looking for parking and found an awesome spot close to the library I jumped for joy once I got out of my car and headed to the library to study for a test. I left school around 10 and headed home. I had a snack brushed my teeth and went to the bathroom before bed. When I was in bed I turned on the tv and to my surprise groundhogs day was on bravo! So I watched the movie till I fell asleep. This assignment made me realize how much I people watch, and how mundane my life is. When i wrote down everything I did it made me realize that we have got our hands full with ourselves.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Disillusionment of ten o'clock

To me this poem showed imagination. At ten o"clock its dark, and that is when your imagination comes out to play. He lists vivid colors and talks about baboons. He also mentions
and describes "haunted house of white nightgowns" which is what the common person would imagine at night, so perhaps the more disillusioned you are, the more imagination you have. We should all indulge in our disillusions more and perhaps the would would be a more imaginative place.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Today was a very interesting class. I realized I was reading on a very shallow level. I didn't realize the demonic hints in Oats' story and was completely blown away by the very idea. I had read the Demon Lover prior to class, but the version I read was a short story that had the same story line of the beautiful poem we read in class today, but was very different. The version I read was about a women named Mrs. Drover, and I enjoyed the short story very much.
I realize now that there are a lot of underlying subjects in most literature, and I am hoping I will be able to perceive this better in the future. I do like how Oats told her version of the Pied Piper of Tuscon through the eyes of the victim. The descriptions of Arnold was very good, it mad me fear Arnold even more.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Oh Connie

So I read "Where are you going, Where have you been?" And I asked myself what is so special about this story? I felt like I was watching another dateline show, where you hear about young girls being taken advantage of , or have been missing for years and their parents never gave up on them. To me Connie is a retelling of young girls today, trying to spread her own wings and thinks she knows whats best for herself. Arnold seems to be a smart creep, he plays into Connie's vanities and lures her in. The writer doesn't really end the story, but if you research the pied Piper of Tuscon you will find out the ending. I feel like I need to look deeper into the story, but I am not sure what i should be looking for. ......Any suggestions?

The First day of class!

So being a transfer student and not being able to sign up for classes the Monday before classes started, the first week for me was stressful and unorganized.When I walked into Lit 110 I had no idea what to expect, my adviser had told me that Sexson was considered to be one of the best teachers on the campus and to make sure I signed up for his class. So far she has been right, the first day of class was fun and inviting ( besides the announcement of reading Russian literature for the semester). I look forward to learning in this environment and being taught how to think deeper.