Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Presentations
My paper
Dmitri has also been talked about as being the hero in this book by this class. We know at the end of the book the little boy Kolya says he wants to be just like Dmitri when he grows up. Dmitri we know didn’t kill his father but all the evidence points to him. He is convicted and is sentenced to work in Siberia at a hard labor camp. Because of the way Dmitri handled the news of all the suffering that was going to come his way he is heroic. It would take guts to take punishment the way Dmitri did. Dmitri sacrificed himself for truth and justice; he let his name be disgraced for the betterment of mankind.
Grushenka was a very complex woman she suffered because of a lover who left her. She lets that shape her into the women she was in the book; she flirts and lead Fyodor and Dmitri to believe they both have a chance, because of what her suffering had taught her about men. All is suffering and all is fleeting, but Grushenka learned the last part of this too late. She admits her guilt in the murder of Fyodor, if only she had been faithful to one Karamazov and learned to let go of her previous suffering, perhaps the death of the father wouldn’t have happened.
The story we read about of the philanthropist is a great example of how suffering shapes lives. The philanthropist suffered a broken heart from the lady he loved; her heart belonged to another. So he decides to murder the women who caused his pain. In the book he says” I shall atone for my crime with my secret suffering”. He was not able to live life with all the guilt, he talks to Father Zosima about the guilt he feels when he has children. He can’t bear the thought of giving life when he has taken life. This would suggest to me that as a result his children suffered with a bad relationship with their father. The philanthropist sufferer d for fourteen years with the guilt of the murder, he was faced with two decisions. One to do the right thing, confess and end his suffering, or two to keep living with the suffering quietly. How he handled his suffering was very brave in the end, he confessed to the crime and his suffering was fleeting. I wonder how his life would have been different if he would have read the story of Lot’s wife. Would he have been able to live a life without suffering if he knew to keep looking forward in life? All is suffering and all is fleeting. I think we can easily understand all is suffering, but the all is fleeting seems to come too late to most of us.
In the last part of this class we have read Hamlet and talked briefly about Job. Father Zosima also talks about Job in the brothers Karamazov. So I re-read to story of Job and was blown away. He suffered more than we ever will, and the way he handled his suffering was superhuman; or I would call it heroic .He lost all of his children and his home and livestock. Satan did this because he thought that Job would curse God. Job passed Satan’s test and was blessed with twice as much. Job showed how we handle suffering is very important in our lives. Suffering has a way of changing a person for better or for worse. I think Dostoevsky gave beautiful examples of this in his book.
While researching for this paper and reading more of Father Zosimas chapter, one cannot ignore the story of Jesus. If Jesus hadn’t handled suffering the way he did, if he hadn’t gone through with being crucified then the religion we know today as Christianity would not exist. He is a great example of how you handle suffering affects more than just yourself. Father Zosima says in the book “if evil deeds of men sadden you too greatly and arouse in you an anger you cannot overcome and fills you with desire to wreak vengeance on the evil doers- fear this feeling cause you too are responsible for the evil deeds of all men.”
For how we handle suffering affects more than just ourselves, we can’t have peace till we learn that suffering is fleeting and that is what the characters in the Brothers Karamazov taught me. We are all responsible for how we handle suffering. Will we allow it to make us heroes? Or instead will we give in and live selfishly like Fyodor? The fact that knowing your suffering is fleeting is what will get you through your suffering. In the end of the book we realized how everyone had guilt in the murder of the father. For we too are responsible for the deeds of evil men, and how we handle suffering is the example we lay out for those men.So what I have learned is this, love the moment. Flowers can grow out of dark moments. Therefore each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed. And knowing that suffering is fleeting is what makes it possible to live in the moment. Knowing that suffering is fleeting is what gives mankind sanity and how we handle suffering is what makes heroes out of drunks, and monks out of orphans. So when something is taken away from you, like a father perhaps, it doesn’t happen to make you suffer. It could be so that something else great could come into your life or so that you might loosen your grip on that thing so you can grab onto something better. This will not happen though unless you understand that suffering is fleeting, and you learn to always look forward
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The last blog(besides my paper)
The Love Journal
In my short time in my life I have learned that a major part of relationships is communication. I have several siblings (8 to be exact) and I think that they all have a problem identifying what they want in life. A couple years ago my boyfriend at the time and I started to keep a "love journal" . We lived in separate towns and we didn't have the time to be on the cell phone. So we would write in the book and then the next time we saw each other we would switch. I learned more about myself and my then boyfriend from that journal then I could have from just talking to him on the phone. There is something intimate about writing, your care of grammar and how people perceive you go out the window. So the saying how do you know what you think until you see what you say, is really just very beautiful. I am going to encourage all my siblings to start keeping a journal
classes this past week.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Notecards
Monday, April 19, 2010
Class Today
Group one
It was hilarious to hear them argue and get off of the topic.They brought up some good arguments that we didn't have time to discuss in class. I thought they picked a good topic to spend more time on.
Group 4
Ok I am not going to lie I was looking forward to seeing what Garrett and the group came up with. I was imagining a psychedelic experience with neon colors and loud music. I was not disappointed good job on the creativity, it was very amusing. See everyone on Wednesday.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Thesis
Reading vs Traveling
Monday, April 5, 2010
suffering
Monday, March 29, 2010
Bad Day
I used to work at a restoration company in Missoula, I was what they called the "go to girl". My job constisted of cleaning up fires, floods, sewage and suicide/trauma. The cleaning that no one wants to do.
I remember the day well, it was a hot August day, and my work day was winding down, I had a exuasting day dealing with a customer who was crying because all of her family pictures had been burned. Around 3:30 I got a call from the project manager from our comany asking me if i would work late and go clean up a suicide,, and of course i said yes becuase I always need money.
So I went back to the shop to grab all of my personal protective gear that I had to wear when dealing with bodily fluids and headed out to my destination. I pulled up to a house, the yard unkept, trash and weeds blowing in the wind, and I see a little girl crying her eyes out. I get out of my vehicle and she walk up to me and asks if I would get her mom for her, and tell her to come outside. I agree and walk inside the house to see blood everywhere, sprayed over the walls, leaking inbetween the metal panal on the floor, that seperates the two different kinds of flooring. The worst job I had ever been too. And as I slowly take in my surroundings I realize all over the couch and the table in the kitchen, there is beautiful wedding decorations. The little girls' mom was inside the house, and almost crazily was trying to wipe up the blood and put away the wedding decorations. I tell her that her daughter wants her outside, and then she has a breakdown. I have never seen such raw emotion and pain in my entire life, words couldn't even describe the pain I saw in that womans face. The suicide I had been sent to clean up, was this womans fiancee, and the father to the little girl outside. The parents were going to finally be married in Septmeber... I will never forget that day, the image is forever with me. And that is the worst day of my life, I wish that man had known how much he ment to his family.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sonnets
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Sonnets
found poetry
Friday, March 5, 2010
Sonnets
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Lady with a pet dog
I also do like Chekhov's version better, he develops the characters so beautifully. He talks about the passion and how seductive Anna is, there is use of such small things in the story like perfume and flowers, but the way he places the word in the story it somehow makes you imagine you are Anna. This truly is what I imagine an affair to be like. Passion, regret, deception,
Epiphany
When talking in class about epiphanies and when professor said that Chekhov " Lady with pet dog" is one of the best short stories ever written, it got me thinking about what my favorite short story was. It so happens that my favorite short stories, also has a beautiful epiphany in it. I pasted the short story " The Hanging" by George Orwell below just incase anyone wants to read one of my favorite short stories.
It was in Burma, a sodden morning of the rains. A sickly light, like yellow tinfoil, was slanting over the high walls into the jail yard. We were waiting outside the condemned cells, a row of sheds fronted with double bars, like small animal cages. Each cell measured about ten feet by ten and was quite bare within except for a plank bed and a pot of drinking water. In some of them brown silent men were squatting at the inner bars, with their blankets draped round them. These were the condemned men, due to be hanged within the next week or two.
One prisoner had been brought out of his cell. He was a Hindu, a puny wisp of a man, with a shaven head and vague liquid eyes. He had a thick, sprouting moustache, absurdly too big for his body, rather like the moustache of a comic man on the films. Six tall Indian warders were guarding him and getting him ready for the gallows. Two of them stood by with rifles and fixed bayonets, while the others handcuffed him, passed a chain through his handcuffs and fixed it to their belts, and lashed his arms tight to his sides. They crowded very close about him, with their hands always on him in a careful, caressing grip, as though all the while feeling him to make sure he was there. It was like men handling a fish which is still alive and may jump back into the water. But he stood quite unresisting, yielding his arms limply to the ropes, as though he hardly noticed what was happening.
Eight o'clock struck and a bugle call, desolately thin in the wet air, floated from the distant barracks. The superintendent of the jail, who was standing apart from the rest of us, moodily prodding the gravel with his stick, raised his head at the sound. He was an army doctor, with a grey toothbrush moustache and a gruff voice. ‘For God's sake hurry up, Francis,’ he said irritably. ‘The man ought to have been dead by this time. Aren't you ready yet?’
Francis, the head jailer, a fat Dravidian in a white drill suit and gold spectacles, waved his black hand. ‘Yes sir, yes sir,’ he bubbled. ‘All iss satisfactorily prepared. The hangman iss waiting. We shall proceed.’
‘Well, quick march, then. The prisoners can't get their breakfast till this job's over.’
We set out for the gallows. Two warders marched on either side of the prisoner, with their rifles at the slope; two others marched close against him, gripping him by arm and shoulder, as though at once pushing and supporting him. The rest of us, magistrates and the like, followed behind. Suddenly, when we had gone ten yards, the procession stopped short without any order or warning. A dreadful thing had happened — a dog, come goodness knows whence, had appeared in the yard. It came bounding among us with a loud volley of barks, and leapt round us wagging its whole body, wild with glee at finding so many human beings together. It was a large woolly dog, half Airedale, half pariah. For a moment it pranced round us, and then, before anyone could stop it, it had made a dash for the prisoner, and jumping up tried to lick his face. Everyone stood aghast, too taken aback even to grab at the dog.
‘Who let that bloody brute in here?’ said the superintendent angrily. ‘Catch it, someone!’
A warder, detached from the escort, charged clumsily after the dog, but it danced and gambolled just out of his reach, taking everything as part of the game. A young Eurasian jailer picked up a handful of gravel and tried to stone the dog away, but it dodged the stones and came after us again. Its yaps echoed from the jail wails. The prisoner, in the grasp of the two warders, looked on incuriously, as though this was another formality of the hanging. It was several minutes before someone managed to catch the dog. Then we put my handkerchief through its collar and moved off once more, with the dog still straining and whimpering.
It was about forty yards to the gallows. I watched the bare brown back of the prisoner marching in front of me. He walked clumsily with his bound arms, but quite steadily, with that bobbing gait of the Indian who never straightens his knees. At each step his muscles slid neatly into place, the lock of hair on his scalp danced up and down, his feet printed themselves on the wet gravel. And once, in spite of the men who gripped him by each shoulder, he stepped slightly aside to avoid a puddle on the path.
It is curious, but till that moment I had never realized what it means to destroy a healthy, conscious man. When I saw the prisoner step aside to avoid the puddle, I saw the mystery, the unspeakable wrongness, of cutting a life short when it is in full tide. This man was not dying, he was alive just as we were alive. All the organs of his body were working — bowels digesting food, skin renewing itself, nails growing, tissues forming — all toiling away in solemn foolery. His nails would still be growing when he stood on the drop, when he was falling through the air with a tenth of a second to live. His eyes saw the yellow gravel and the grey walls, and his brain still remembered, foresaw, reasoned — reasoned even about puddles. He and we were a party of men walking together, seeing, hearing, feeling, understanding the same world; and in two minutes, with a sudden snap, one of us would be gone — one mind less, one world less.
The gallows stood in a small yard, separate from the main grounds of the prison, and overgrown with tall prickly weeds. It was a brick erection like three sides of a shed, with planking on top, and above that two beams and a crossbar with the rope dangling. The hangman, a grey-haired convict in the white uniform of the prison, was waiting beside his machine. He greeted us with a servile crouch as we entered. At a word from Francis the two warders, gripping the prisoner more closely than ever, half led, half pushed him to the gallows and helped him clumsily up the ladder. Then the hangman climbed up and fixed the rope round the prisoner's neck.
We stood waiting, five yards away. The warders had formed in a rough circle round the gallows. And then, when the noose was fixed, the prisoner began crying out on his god. It was a high, reiterated cry of ‘Ram! Ram! Ram! Ram!’, not urgent and fearful like a prayer or a cry for help, but steady, rhythmical, almost like the tolling of a bell. The dog answered the sound with a whine. The hangman, still standing on the gallows, produced a small cotton bag like a flour bag and drew it down over the prisoner's face. But the sound, muffled by the cloth, still persisted, over and over again: ‘Ram! Ram! Ram! Ram! Ram!’
The hangman climbed down and stood ready, holding the lever. Minutes seemed to pass. The steady, muffled crying from the prisoner went on and on, ‘Ram! Ram! Ram!’ never faltering for an instant. The superintendent, his head on his chest, was slowly poking the ground with his stick; perhaps he was counting the cries, allowing the prisoner a fixed number — fifty, perhaps, or a hundred. Everyone had changed colour. The Indians had gone grey like bad coffee, and one or two of the bayonets were wavering. We looked at the lashed, hooded man on the drop, and listened to his cries — each cry another second of life; the same thought was in all our minds: oh, kill him quickly, get it over, stop that abominable noise!
Suddenly the superintendent made up his mind. Throwing up his head he made a swift motion with his stick. ‘Chalo!’ he shouted almost fiercely.
There was a clanking noise, and then dead silence. The prisoner had vanished, and the rope was twisting on itself. I let go of the dog, and it galloped immediately to the back of the gallows; but when it got there it stopped short, barked, and then retreated into a corner of the yard, where it stood among the weeds, looking timorously out at us. We went round the gallows to inspect the prisoner's body. He was dangling with his toes pointed straight downwards, very slowly revolving, as dead as a stone.
The superintendent reached out with his stick and poked the bare body; it oscillated, slightly. ‘He's all right,’ said the superintendent. He backed out from under the gallows, and blew out a deep breath. The moody look had gone out of his face quite suddenly. He glanced at his wrist-watch. ‘Eight minutes past eight. Well, that's all for this morning, thank God.’
The warders unfixed bayonets and marched away. The dog, sobered and conscious of having misbehaved itself, slipped after them. We walked out of the gallows yard, past the condemned cells with their waiting prisoners, into the big central yard of the prison. The convicts, under the command of warders armed with lathis, were already receiving their breakfast. They squatted in long rows, each man holding a tin pannikin, while two warders with buckets marched round ladling out rice; it seemed quite a homely, jolly scene, after the hanging. An enormous relief had come upon us now that the job was done. One felt an impulse to sing, to break into a run, to snigger. All at once everyone began chattering gaily.
The Eurasian boy walking beside me nodded towards the way we had come, with a knowing smile: ‘Do you know, sir, our friend (he meant the dead man), when he heard his appeal had been dismissed, he pissed on the floor of his cell. From fright. — Kindly take one of my cigarettes, sir. Do you not admire my new silver case, sir? From the boxwallah, two rupees eight annas. Classy European style.’
Several people laughed — at what, nobody seemed certain.
Francis was walking by the superintendent, talking garrulously. ‘Well, sir, all hass passed off with the utmost satisfactoriness. It wass all finished — flick! like that. It iss not always so — oah, no! I have known cases where the doctor wass obliged to go beneath the gallows and pull the prisoner's legs to ensure decease. Most disagreeable!’
‘Wriggling about, eh? That's bad,’ said the superintendent.
‘Ach, sir, it iss worse when they become refractory! One man, I recall, clung to the bars of hiss cage when we went to take him out. You will scarcely credit, sir, that it took six warders to dislodge him, three pulling at each leg. We reasoned with him. “My dear fellow,” we said, “think of all the pain and trouble you are causing to us!” But no, he would not listen! Ach, he wass very troublesome!’
I found that I was laughing quite loudly. Everyone was laughing. Even the superintendent grinned in a tolerant way. ‘You'd better all come out and have a drink,’ he said quite genially. ‘I've got a bottle of whisky in the car. We could do with it.’
We went through the big double gates of the prison, into the road. ‘Pulling at his legs!’ exclaimed a Burmese magistrate suddenly, and burst into a loud chuckling. We all began laughing again. At that moment Francis's anecdote seemed extraordinarily funny. We all had a drink together, native and European alike, quite amicably. The dead man was a hundred yards away.
Random thoughts.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Araby
Monday, February 22, 2010
The Brothers Karamazov
Monday, February 8, 2010
Why do we want to be believe?
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Eros and Psyche
people my say that Im a dreamer, but Im not the only one.
First memory
Groundhog day.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Disillusionment of ten o'clock
and describes "haunted house of white nightgowns" which is what the common person would imagine at night, so perhaps the more disillusioned you are, the more imagination you have. We should all indulge in our disillusions more and perhaps the would would be a more imaginative place.